Feeling Frazzled?

Raising children is one of life’s greatest joys. It’s also downright exhausting! Parents of small children are generally so busy with the seemingly endless demands, they often don’t get around to finding the time to take care of their own needs and wants. Over time, exhaustion and frustration can begin to take hold, and we become frazzled. Once we hit this wall, we’re really no good to our children, our spouses, or ourselves.  So, it’s important we take the time to prevent frazzlization. Yes, frazzlization. It’s a new word. I just made it up. But I’m sure you’ve seen it in your friends, or even yourself.

It’s just like when traveling on an airplane and the flight attendant reminds the passengers that in case of loss of cabin pressure, to put your own oxygen mask on before helping children traveling with you. If you pass out from lack of oxygen, you certainly aren’t going to be able to help your child breathe.

Here are some of the things to remember to do for yourself to prevent frazzlization so that you continue to function well, and can be your best for your kids. You know these things! But parenting can make you forget.  Here’s a reminder.

Fuel your body

You’re busy! You’re on the run. Once you get everyone else dressed, fed and ready to go, you just have time to grab a protein bar or some other quick bite. Or you’re exhausted by the time dinner rolls around, so you just grab some fast food. Your body needs quality fuel to run properly. So do your children. If you don’t fill your car with gas, it runs out and stops.  Make sure you don’t run out of gas right in the middle of the parenting freeway. 

Move your body

Even just a few minutes a day. If you can’t go the gym, take a brisk walk (put small kids in a stroller or back pack), ride a bike (get a bike trailer for the little ones), do a few stretches wherever you can fit them in. Today’s children need more exercise as well. Take the kids outside for some energetic family fun.

Find some time for peace

Maybe it’s a nice hot bath, or creating a meditation practice. Perhaps a few moments alone to read a trashy romance novel. Although it might be a treat, going alone to the grocery store doesn’t count. Make real time to relax and clear your mind. When you’re patient and peaceful, it’s much easier to calm the savage beasts.

Adult time

A little romance is a sure cure for frazzlization. Yet, somehow chasing a two year old around all day, making sure kids get their homework done, or taking care of any number of the parenting requirements rarely leads to romance. Call a babysitter! Plan a date night. Parents that keep their relationship strong create a strong family structure, and set a positive example for their children.

Get more sleep

Yes, I know that’s easier said than done. How are you supposed to get enough sleep when your child slips into bed with you at night and you are awakened by a foot in the face, or a little elbow in your ribs?  Or when you are awakened by the 3^rd nightmare this week?  Or are up half the night due to the flu bug that just infested your family?  Yet, how often could you go to bed, but you continue to sit and stare blankly at the television screen – too tired to make your way to bed? It may be time to create your own relaxing bedtime routine to go along with your child’s.

Plan ahead

The days of spontaneity are gone.  You might get a moment here and there when everyone is down for nap or actually goes to bed – and to sleep – on time.  But most of the time, you’re going to have to plan time for you into the already too busy schedule. And while as parents we do need to be there for our children and attend to their needs, we need to make ourselves a priority as well. Plan with your spouse to take turns giving each other some alone time, as well as planning special time together. Single parents enlist the help of friends and family, or find another single parent to trade off with.

When we take care of our own needs, we have more to give to our children.  And, we are teaching them that everyone in the family is important and needs to be cared for. In the long run those few moments we prioritize for ourselves will make life easier overall.

Covid-19 Addition

If it was difficult to get time to yourself before, stay home orders, home schooling, trying to work from home, financial instability, and closures of all the places we go, have made it that much harder. And, that much more necessary! Stress levels are high — yours and your child’s. Your child’s world has changed too, and with that, likely an increase in difficult behaviors. Doing the things needed to best take care of yourself may feel like one more thing to do, and it just seems like you couldn’t possibly add another. Start by prioritizing some mental health time to reset from the stress — like going for a walk, a meditation practice, a hot bath, journaling — something that helps you get some release and feel a little peace. And when you’re feeling like it will never end, remember, this too shall pass. Hang in there! You’ve got this!